


dreaming

by hestervandal



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Brainwashing, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insecurity, Like not really tho, Loud Sex, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Mind Control, Movie Night, Multi, NSFW, NSFW chapter, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Not Beta Read, Not Really Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Self-Harm, Self-Insert, Vaginal Fingering, gender neutral pronous for the doctor, river is buff and carries u im right, sorry im just giving u anxiety and depression whoops, the characters hurt themselves to save someone else basically, the doc n river take care of u, thirteen and river date me challenge, wow ur just not havin a good time sorry i swear youll feel better soon, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hestervandal/pseuds/hestervandal
Relationships: River Song/Reader, River Song/You, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader, The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/Reader, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song/Reader, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song/You, Thirteenth Doctor/You
Comments: 33
Kudos: 177





	1. Fatigued (I Don't Want to Lose Another Person I Love)

You sigh as you sink into the couch. How the Doctor and River run around all day and still look amazing, you'll never know. You're exhausted and probably look like a half-dead troll who lived under a bridge for ten years. At least you now could relax on the soft couch in the library.

Soft music starts playing as you curl into the couch. The Tardis could be mischievous sometimes, but you quietly thank her for the music and the sudden warmth in the room. You yawn and slowly drift to sleep.

* * *

You come back into consciousness slowly, keeping your eyes closed. You hear voices speaking down the corridor but can't make out what they say. The voices get louder and you hear footsteps on the creepy floors in the library. Huh, must be the Doctor and River. You try and make out their conversation.

"I wonder where (y/n) went," River wonders out loud.

"Well they're probably here," the Doctor answers, "They do like to hang out here pretty often."

The footsteps got louder.

"Hey look," River says in a hushed voice, "there they are."

"Oh, they must've fallen asleep. It was a little bit of a long day for a human."

 _Time ladies,_ you think, rolling your eyes in your head.

You hear quiet footsteps around the room until suddenly, you feel a heavy blanket being draped over you. You hope they didn't see you move.

You feel her adjusting the blanket around you, then tucking one rouge strand of hair behind out of your face. You hope she can't feel how hot your face is. You pray to the universe that she does not notice how you are awake and very much flustered.

"That should at least be a little better." You swear you can hear River smiling as she speaks.

"Well," River continues, "We ought to go to bed too darling."

"Give me a second, I'll be there."

"Alright." There it is again. That smile in her voice.

You hear her heels click on the floor, fading away.

After River leaves, the room feels quiet. You are hyperaware of your breathing. The Doctor's breaths are quiet and far apart, must be the time lord biology. The sound of their breathing is soothing.

They take a deep breath.

"Sorry for all the running today. I know it's a bit hard on you humans."

_Does she know I'm awake?_

They take a pause, "I sometimes forget you aren't like River and me. That you're human and you'll eventually leave. I'll miss you of course, but I'm sure you'd probably be better off," they laugh nervously. 

_She thinks I'm asleep._

You desperately want to tell them otherwise, but decide to stay still.

"I don't want to lose another person I-"

She sighs, threading their hand in your hair.

"I don't want to lose another person I love."

_Oh._

Before you could think to respond, she kisses you on the forehead and you hear her footsteps growing further away. Before she disappeared, she murmured quietly,

"Goodnight (y/n). I love you."


	2. Exhausted (like a soothing lullaby)

After the other night, you've felt weird around the Doctor. Yes, they're gorgeous and incredible, and yes their marriage to River isn't typical but, you still feel awkward around them. So when they asked you to come with them to the and intergalactic market, you decided to just tell them you didn't feel well. After fretting for a couple of minutes, they left, leaving you alone in the Tardis.

* * *

You wander around the narrow halls of the Tardis, surrounded by the glowing of the lights and a gentle whirring sound. You've always loved walking around the Tardis alone. The Tardis is very much alive, and while you can feel it, when it's just you and the ship, the Tardis feels subdued and at peace. However, today something feels different. You can't put your finger on it, but the lights seem brighter, and the sound of the Tardis ever so louder.

Lost in your thoughts, you begin to think about last night.

"The Doctor loves me?" you ask out loud, "Why?"

After all, you are just human.

"I'm nothing like them or River."

Your entire time on the Tardis has been a dream. But of course, you knew you didn't quite belong. You knew eventually they'd move on. They'd leave you behind. Forget you.

Your throat starts tightening.

"What's the point of having me here anyway?" you ask, "They've got each other."

You take a deep breath.

"I'm basically nothing."

You slide down the wall and sit on the floor.

"I'm nothing compared to them. I'm nothing to them."

You feel cold tears slowly flow down your face. You raise your head back, looking into the bright light. The Tardis lets out a hum in sympathy. The tears start slowly dripping into your hands and onto the floor.

"Why am I here."

You hold your head in your hands.

* * *

"(y/n)?"

Your head darts up. It's River. Shit.

You wipe your tears with your arm.

"So-Sorry River, um, I'm sorry," you murmur, trying to get your eyes to stop crying. You can't cry in front of River.

River kneels down to you, "Sorry for what darling? What's wrong?"

River tries to meet your eyes but you look away, "Nothing. It's fine. I'll be fine," you lie.

River shakes her head, "I know you better than that. Come on, how can I help?"

You looked down at your feet. "Could you maybe just... give me a hug?"

You stand up shakily. Rivers arms wrap around you in a tight hug. You bury your face in her hair.

River gets the correct impression that you do not want to let go, so as she pulls back she grabs your hand.

"How about we go and lie down? You can talk to me there if you want, or I can just be there for you," River suggests.

You nod and let River lead you through the hallways until you come across a dark wooden door. The wood looks old and worn, the gold door handle is dim and used. River opens the door and lets you in.

"I figured we could go to the Doctor and I's room. It's nicer."

The room is dim, with stars on the ceiling, like the sticky glow stars you had as a kid. In the center of the room is a bed with a dark wooden bed frame and navy blue sheets. The are several bookshelves and a desk cluttered with different items.

River leads you to the bed. You sit down on the edge, lying down when Rivers hands guided you to the center of the bed, too tired to resist. You put your head on a plush pillow, sighing into the soft material. 

You feel the bed shift as River shuffles around to spoon around you, with her arms around your waist.

You feel yourself crack open.

"I just don't get why you guys would want me here..." you start, "You're both so amazing and incredible and you have each other, so why you need me?"

River sighs into your hair, "We care about you (y/n)"

For a second silence fills the room.

"You know, for the longest time I had no idea why the Doctor would love me," River started, "They are literally one of the greatest beings in the universe. I get how you feel. But you just have to trust that you're important to them too."

River's head adjusted so you could feel her breath on your neck. You shiver.

"Trust that we care about you."

You take a deep breath. "Okay."

"Good," you can feel River smiling against your neck.

You stayed like the for a while, being held by River, listening to her hum something against your neck, like a soothing lullaby.

* * *

The door cracks open, causing a stream of light to land on your face.

"What?" you ask sleepily.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," the Doctor says.

Your head bolts up. "Shit, sorry Doctor... Uh, I'll just go."

You try and sit up but River keeps you in place on the bed, "Darling it's okay, calm down."

The Doctor moves to sit next to you on the bed, "(y/n) it's okay. Are you alright?" Her voice is full of concern.

"I just uh, had a bit of a panic attack earlier so River was calming me down. But I can leave if you want-"

"No, it's perfectly fine. In fact, I was about to rest for a little bit, do you mind if I join you?"

You shake your head no and lay your head back on the pillow. The Doctor takes off their coat and then lies down next to you with her back to your front. You tentatively put your hands around her torso. The Doctor just snuggles closer.

"Are you sure you're okay?" the Doctor asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure." You respond.

"Don't worry sweetie," River says, "They'll come to you when they need to."

"Thanks guys," you say quietly.

* * *

When the morning (or whenever it is, it's hard to tell the time in a time machine) comes, you find yourself to still be sandwiched between River and the Doctor, both still asleep. You smile and let yourself drift back to sleep.


	3. Restless (For Just This Once)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this chapters a bit nsfw hence the new rating. this doesn't have much to do with plot, because let's face it, im not great with plot. anyway, while you are always refered to as they/them, i wrote this chapter with the reader as someone with a vagina (although if i do more nsfw in the future the readers gonna have a flat chest cause uhhhh im nb and its what i want). rlly sorry if that makes u uncomfy it's just a personal thing since im really writing this for myself. anyways just a warning, next chapter wont be nsfw so just skip if u want.
> 
> ~hope u enjoy

You sigh, closing your book and gently placing it on the table next to you. You finally got back to the Tardis after a long adventure. Normally, you would've gone straight to your room to crash, but you're feeling oddly restless. So instead you went to the library to find some light reading to keep your mind off of things. You have not seen the Doctor and River around since you got back, they seemed to have vanished upon arrival.

You yawn and decide to head back to your room, walking the dim halls until you find your door. You smile as you see the Doctor's door right next to it. The Tardis keeps pushing your rooms close together no matter where they end up.  
You walk into your room and towards your dresser to change into pajama pants and a soft tee shirt, when you suddenly hear a thumping noise. 

_Huh, it's probably nothing._

Then you hear _it._

A loud moan echos through the wall.

_You have got to be kidding me._

The noises don't stop.

_Okay. I guess this is happening._

You bolt out of your room, your face red.

"I guess I'll just take a walk," you say to yourself in the hallway in annoyance.

You start to slow your pace as you walk through the identical hallways of the Tardis, trying to think of anything but what is happening in the bedroom next to yours. The hallways twist and turn, you follow them aimlessly, taking notice of the Tardis' low hum.

"I bet you're enjoying this," you grumble at the Tardis.

In response, the hum shifts higher in pitch for a split second.

You suppress a chuckle.

"I'm still mad at you."

The hallway curves to reveal your bedroom, still next to the Doctor's.

You shrug and go back in your room, sitting on the edge of the bed, not paying attention to your surroundings till you hear someone yell through the wall.

_Seriously, still?!_

You sigh to yourself. Of course they're loud. That's about your luck. Though honestly, you're not surprised. You try and banish that thought from your head.

_No, you are not thinking about that._

Your heart is racing, the sound loud between your ears. You can feel a heat build up in your lower belly.

You shove a pillow into your face in frustration, groaning. You desperately want to fight the part of you that has feelings for River and the Doctor. The fact that not only did you manage to fall for not just one, but two people who are in a relationship. You throw the pillow onto the floor and stare at the ceiling. Normally, you'd leave or sleep or do anything else but stay here by yourself overhearing the Doctor and River's "love" for each other. But tonight you are tired and weak.

You close your eyes, permitting yourself to let your hand snake down to your lower belly, to the waistband of your pants. You pull the elastic of your pants down, letting your hand dip under your underwear.

Your hand brushes past thick curls as you run your index finger up and down your lips, your fingers becoming slick with your arousal.

You allow yourself to picture yourself with them, in that room.

_Just this once._

You imagine River on top of you, with a wide grin, the kind of grin a cat gets when it catches a mouse. She'd take her hand to cup your cheek, moving it down to catch your chin, forcing you to look into her piercing eyes.

You start circling your clit with your thumb, slowly at first.

The Doctor would be between your legs, their eyes filled with immense focus at the task at hand. Their deft fingers slowly circling your clit, their head leaning down to press kisses to your hip.

You slowly push one finger in, then two, speeding up your pace. Your head throws back in pleasure.

You pump your fingers inside, feeling your pleasure build, a deep pressure filling your belly. You squeeze your eyes closed, focusing on how it feels.

"River!"

You hear the Doctor reach their climax through the wall right as a tidal wave of pleasure fills your body.

You lie limp on the bed, your limbs like stone.

* * *

You wake up with your head feeling groggy.

_Right. Last night._

You feel ashamed. Stupid. Wrong.

_Why am I letting this go on? Why am I just standing by letting my feelings control me? They don't reciprocate my feelings. They don't care about me this way._

You burrow deeper into the blankets, your chest feels heavy.

You think back to the other night with River. Before you can even think maybe she cares, you shake the thought away from your head.

_Don't hold on to the delusion that truly care about you._

_They're probably just humoring you._

Tears start to well up in your eyes.

_Im just a third wheel. Useless to them._

You wipe your tears on your arm, and sniffle.

_For once in your life, just give up damnit._

You hear a knock on the door. You panic, and pretend to sleep.

"(y/n)?" the Doctor calls from the other side of the door.

You don't answer.

For just this once, you resist the urge to see the Doctor. To listen to her voice and be held in her arms. To have everything be okay.

You don't want to burden them.


	4. Tired (Other Side of the Couch)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thanks so much for the kind comments they mean a lot! they're actually pretty much the reason i'm keeping up with this story so! also uh i don't really edit my writing much so sorry if there are a bunch of errors, i try my best. hope y'all are doing well!
> 
> ~enjoy!

It turns out you can only avoid the two time lords (time ladies?) for so long when stuck on the same ship with them. You’ve been keeping mostly to your room, but humans do have to eat, so you sneak your way to the kitchen.

You rummage through the cupboards to find anything to eat. To your surprise you find some bread in the pantry along with peanut butter and a jar of jam. You start assembling your sandwich, placing the bread on the counter as you fiddle the lid off the jam. You grab a butter knife and start spreading the jam on a slice of bread.

“Hey (y/n)?”

You jump, spinning around; the knife clangs onto the floor, “Shit!” you curse under your breath.

River starts to apologize, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle-”

“It’s fine.”

You pick up the knife off the floor, throwing it in the sink.

You turn back to face the counter, you did not want your face to betray you.

“It’s fine,” you say. You try to chuckle, but it turns out empty. You don’t think you have the energy for it right now.

You hear footsteps as River walks closer, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Are you okay (y/n)?,” River asks.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” You focus more intently on making your sandwich, spreading the jelly with a new knife.”

“Are you sure?” River’s concern flooded through her voice.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” you pause, “I’m just tired I guess?”

“Okay,” River steps back.

“How about we ask the Doctor if we could stay in today? We could do a movie night or something. I mean only if you’re up to it,” she suggests.

You finally turn around, looking at River.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” you reply.

“I’ll find the doctor and ask them about it then,” River then left the room.

* * *

You let out a long sigh and finish eating your sandwich.

You knew you couldn’t avoid them forever, but… being in the same room, talking to River, it felt wrong. You know they don’t feel the same way about you, and that seemed to create a shame that lives deep in your chest. How could you even think about being with them? They would never be with you like that. 

You place your plate in the sink, and walk towards your room, trying to think. If you could only not feel this way. 

_ I guess the only way to move on is to just push my feelings deep down. Even if it doesn’t work I don’t want to trouble them with my feelings anymore. I can’t push this delusion onto them. _

* * *

Right as you were about to turn the knob on your door, you hear the Doctor’s cheery voice, “(y/n)! I talked with River about movie night, sounds like loads of fun!” 

She walks up to you grinning. The sight of her gave you a pang in your chest. She walks with a bounce in her step, her seemingly permanent smile on her face. You could never be able to be happy all the time like her. You can hardly even seem happy anymore. Though you push yourself through your thoughts, putting a strained smile onto your face.

“Yeah it does,” you respond. The two of you walk as the Doctor talks about movie choices.

* * *

Once you arrive at the room, you see that River is already there, sitting at the edge of the couch. The Doctor runs over and jumps over the couch, plopping down right next to River. You stand there wondering how the hell she didn’t fall over. If the Doctor is anything, it is not graceful. You see River smile at her spouse. 

_ Oh yeah. _

“So what were you thinking for the movie sweetie?” The Doctor goes on with a bunch of different choices as you walk over to the couch. Looking at the Doctor and River, they really are a perfect couple. Your throat tightens up slightly.

“How about we let (y/n) choose?” River gently interrupts.

“Oh yeah! What do you think (y/n)?” The Doctor turns to you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Oh, uh, whatever you guys want to do is fine,” you reply.

“Oh, okay!” The Doctor goes back to trying to pick a movie, while River looks over to her. She looks… worried?

The Doctor jumps up, with a disk in her hand, “I found something! How do you guys feel about Wall-E?”

“Sounds good to me!”

“Yeah sounds good,” you echo.

After the Doctor puts the disk in the player everyone gets situated. River stayed at the edge of the couch, the Doctor returned next to River, who had already started cuddling. You sat on the far edge of the couch, by yourself. It’s for the best.

The Movie starts, you prepare to get lost in another fictional world. However it’s your luck that the characters seem to remind you so much of the people on the other side of the couch.

A scrappy robot fascinated with different Earth objects. The other sleek, sophisticated. Both entranced with each other. You look over to River and the Doctor. The Doctor has migrated to be almost entirely in River’s lap. You shake your head and focus back on the movie, trying your hardest to ignore how much you wish you were over there cuddling with them. 

Despite an overlying sadness, the movie is a good one, and the Doctor’s snarky comments about the tech and sci-fi elements were calming. The movie came to an end, the credits rolling on the screen. 

“(y/n)?” River asks. 

You turn to look at her, “Huh?”

“You’re crying.” the Doctor states, worry flooding her face.

Crap. You move your arms to wipe the tears off your face.

“I-I just… This movie always makes me cry,” you lie, “What can I say, I’m a romantic.”

You give them a sad smile, trying to reassure them, “I’m okay. I promise.”

The Doctor and River look at each other then back to you. 

“Are you sure?” the Doctor asks.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Goodnight guys.”


	5. Comatose (Please)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya again! I'm trying to get some writing done cause quarantine is driving me mad. this chapter was a doozy to write it's pretty long, i resisted the urge to leave y'all on a cliffhanger :3. 
> 
> ~hope y'all enjoy

The Doctor and River ran around the console. You smile at the familiar scene. The Doctor presses a couple buttons then flips a switch. River runs over and flips the switch back, smirking at the Doctor who just groans. River goes back to fiddling with her side of the console. You just watch in awe. 

“So! New adventure today, I know just the place!” the Doctor starts talking, somehow still able to give their spiel while running around. How are they not out of breath?

“There’s this planet, what a beautiful place, they have the best spas! Almost the best in the universe! Can’t go to the best one though, closed down awhile back…” the Doctor rambles on, seemingly oblivious of the fact that she owns a time machine at the moment. You chuckle, it is the Doctor after all. 

The two time ladies come to a halt as you hear the Tardis’ wheezing noise. 

“And we’re here!” the Doctor exclaims, running up to the doors. She goes on, “I thought we could use a break, a little pampering!”

The Doctor looks back at you before swinging the Tardis doors open. The three of you walk out onto what looks like the streets of a city. You stood on a path that wove in between these giant buildings. Their orange surfaces shined into the heavens, towering above you. Everything here seems to glisten and gleen underneath the three suns in the sky. As you walk you take note of the people; they look sort of humanoid, however their skin seems to be red and rough in texture. Each of them wore warm toned clothing, loose fitting and modest. You breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the breeze.

“Wow Doctor, this place sure is beauti-” you double over mid sentence, your head throbbing. Everything suddenly feels bright and overwhelming. It hurts. 

“(y/n)!” River cries out.

The Doctor runs over to your side, pulling her sonic out. You barely register the buzz of her sonic through all of the pain in your head.

“Hey, (y/n) look at me, it’s okay.” the Doctor starts to explain, “This planet is full of telepaths, I’m so sorry, you’re taking everything in since you can’t build up boundaries in your head. I’m going to help, I just need to build them up for you. May I?”

You nod, unable to focus on speech. The Doctor carefully puts her fingers up to your temple. Suddenly, your mind is clear. You can feel a warm presence flood your mind, something quiet and kind. Is that… the Doctor? However as soon as the presence came, it left as the Doctor moved her hands back.

You open your eyes to find your face close to the Doctor’s.

“I’m sorry (y/n),” the Doctor apologizes, “I should’ve realized it could affect you. Time lords are touch telepaths, so we’re used to it, and River was trained but you… you’re human.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m just glad you could fix it,” you respond with a smile.

The Doctor holds out her hand to help you up. You take it, standing back up, taking a second to catch your breath.

“You sure?” River gives you a concerned look, “We could just go back.”

“No no,” you shake your head, “Let’s keep going. I’m good now thanks to the Doctor.”

“Okay, if you’re sure then,” the Doctor takes your hand, leading you and River through the gorgeous streets until you find the building you’re looking for.

The outside is the same orange color as the rest of the buildings, with shrubbery surrounding the doors at the front. You walk through the doors to find yourself in the lobby. Almost everything in the room is white, the walls, the counters, the desk in the front, and the doors leading to the back. The only thing that isn’t white are the couple chairs lined up near a wall, which are a light gray color. The overhead lights glow gently from above, creating a teal blue tint to the room.

The Doctor walks up to the front, “Hello there! I’m the Doctor here for my appointment with my two plus ones.”

The receptionist looks up through the blue lens in their glasses, then types something into the computer system. 

“As yes, the Doctor and their two plus ones, I see you there. They will come for you in a couple of minutes. For now you can wait over there in our seating,” she points to the chairs lined up by the far wall.

You follow the Doctor and take your seat.

“This spa is actually one of the best due to the telepathic nature of this planet and its inhabitants. They subtly use different telepathic waves to induce a calming sensation to the customer. It’s quite interesting!” the Doctor explains.

“Oh, yeah. I guess that would make for a good spa,” you say.

One of the spa workers comes out of the doors to the back, then looks down at her clipboard. “The Doctor’s party?” she calls out.

“That’d be us!” the Doctor jumps up and strides across the room.

The three of you follow her through a long hallway. Silver doors line the walls, spread out even every couple yards. She’s wearing all white, except for her blue tinted glasses. You notice that along with the clipboard she has earpieces in both her ears. You pass by another worker, wearing the same outfit, including the glasses and earpieces. 

_ Huh must be some sort of uniform I guess? _

The woman leading you stops at a door near the end of the hallway. She presses her hand into a scanner, opening the door. 

_ Huh they have seven fingers.  _

“Right in here is where we’ll get your robes,” the woman says, opening the door for us. “Then we’ll head to a personal room for you.”

You grab a robe, and then follow her to one of the other doors. She uses the same type of scanner to open the door.

“There we are! I’ll leave you all to change, then the technician will start your spa experience remotely.”

“Alright sounds good!” the Doctor responds.

The door closes, so you look around to see what the room is like. The walls and floors are all white like the rest of the building. On the back wall is a giant mirror, covering most of the wall. In the middle are three tables with folded towels on them. The lights are dimmed creating a calm atmosphere.

“Well, I guess we should get changed now then,” River remarks, pulling her shirt over her head. Your face turns hot.

“Yeah, uh,” you mumble, turning to the corner. You take off your shirt and pants, trying not to think of the fact that River and the Doctor are undressing right behind you. You slip on your robe, and turn back around. The others had gotten their robes on as well.

You go to sit on one of the tables. You have to admit, this building does have a sort of calming sense around it, like it’s trying to lull you to sleep.

Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom, “Hello, and welcome to your spa experience. We shall now begin.”

“Oh it must be starting!” the Doctor exclaims.

“Firstly, lie down on one of the tables provided. Get comfortable. We will start by playing some calming sounds and lighting to begin.” over the intercom, you started hearing an unexplainable noise. A sort of low pitched buzzing played rhythmically over and over again. The lights are starting to turn a bright, blinding orange color. Your head starts to hurt, a dull persistent ache behind your forehead.

“Doctor, what’s going on?” you ask, worried.

The Doctor doesn’t respond.

“Doctor?”

Nothing.

“River,” you call out.

Nothing.

You sit up looking over to the other two tables. They’re both just… lying there. Not moving. Their eyes are open but are they…?

You leap off the table and run to the Doctor, putting your fingers on her neck. 

_ Please have a pulse, please have a pulse! _

You let out a sigh of relief, there’s a pulse, she’s alright. You walk over to check River, she too has a pulse. They’re both okay for now. But why are you still standing? Nothing happened to you, except now you have a headache.

The intercom crackles as it comes on. You stop dead in your tracks.

The same voice comes on again, “Okay, so now that that’s over with. To your feet.”

The Doctor and River both rise, getting off of the tables then standing perfectly still in front of them.

“Guys?” You walk in front of them, waving your hands, trying to get their attention. Nothing. It’s like you don’t exist. Their eyes are glossed over.

“Hello?” you call out, “What is going on?”

The man from the intercom speaks, in a monotone voice, “Huh, what’s this? It didn’t work for you. That’s odd.”

“What do you mean it didn’t work for me? What didn’t work for me?” you yell back.

“The hypnotism. Brainwashing. Mind control. Whatever you like to call it.” he replies, still not seeming bothered by your existence.

_ So I’m on my own. The Doctor and River can’t save me. I have to save them. _

You swallow, nervous. You try running to the door, but it’s locked. You glance at the scanner, but that won’t work, these creatures have seven fingers. You can’t get out. You look around for something helpful, but come up empty, only finding a security camera you missed earlier.  _ Maybe if I could just keep him talking.  _

“So,” you start, looking up at the camera, “What’s this plan of yours then? Brainwashing all these people? All your customers? Why? What’s the point?”

You start to gain your confidence, “And now that I’m asking questions, do the blue tinted glasses and earpieces fit in with your plan? The Doctor said something about waves… oh! They keep you immune to the mind control right?”

“None of this will concern you,” the man answers plainly, “In fact, you can’t be kept around after knowing all this so, I’m afraid nothing will concern you soon.”

“Wait, wait!” you shout, “You don’t have to-”

“Doctor, River, kill them.”

His voice rings over the intercom system. 

_ No. They wouldn’t. _

They turn their heads to you. Their eyes look shallow and empty, glassed over.

_ They wouldn’t. _

They step forward closer to you. You instinctively step back.

_ This can’t be happening. _

They keep slowly walking forward. Your heart is pounding in your ears.

“River? Doctor?”

They keep moving. Your pleas do not phase them.

_ No. _

They’ve backed you into a corner. 

_ This is it. _

They look down on you, and you can almost see… hesitation?

In a split second decision, you leap forward, pulling them into your arms in one final desperate move.

“Please please come back,” you murmur, tears flowing down your cheeks, “Doctor. River. Please come back to me. Please I can’t lose you. I can’t die. Please this can’t be it.”

You feel their arms wrap around your back.

You look up at their faces, “Doctor? River?”

Their eyes shine back down at you. They’re back.

“What happened (y/n)?” River asks, wiping the tears off your face.

“I don’t think either of us remember anything from after we lied down.” the Doctor admits.

“The spa is mind controlling people!” you exclaim, “I think it’s with the waves you were talking about Doctor.”

“What makes you think that?” the Doctor asks.

“Well, that’s how their systems are said to work in the brochures and stuff right? And all the staff have blue tinted glasses and earpieces. I think they have them to block out the waves.” you explain.

The Doctor gives her signature adventuring grin, “You’re definitely on to something (y/n)! That was brilliant!”

“Well, before we foil any of their plans, we have to get in our clothes and then out of here,” River remarks.

You nod, having almost completely forgotten about your clothes in the adrenaline rush from earlier. The three of you change back into your normal clothing, the group up by the door.

“Oh yeah! The door’s locked, there’s a scanner but none of us have enough fingers.” 

“Huh I see. Well while we were nodding off it seems (y/n) was taking care of things just fine.” River smiles, “Nice work.”

The Doctor pulls out her sonic from her pocket, pointing it at the scanner, unlocking the door.

The three of you run through it, finding yourself back in the long hallway.

“Wait, where do we go now?” you ask confused, “All these doors look the same.”

“Well, they have to be controlling everyone from somewhere…” River stops to think, “Wait wasn’t there a door that looked different at the end of the hallway? That could be it.”

You think back to when you first entered the hallway, “Oh yeah! It was near where we got the robes from!”

“Alright gang, let’s head that way then!” the Doctor starts jogging towards the door, you and River follow.

When you get to the door, you find the same scanner that is situated at every door. The Doctor unlocks it with their sonic.

“You guys ready?” they ask before opening the door. You walk inside the room and immediately notice the contrast to the rest of the building. The walls are dark, several monitors are spread across the room. Each one seems to be connected to a security camera in each room. You walk through the dimly lit room until you find someone at a large desk. Along with a couple monitors, there are several button dials and levers attached large strips of metal. That must be the mind control machine.

“Well, quite a setup you’ve got here. Seems a bit overkill for a spa.” the Doctor makes themselves known.

The person spins around in their chair to face us. He lets out an annoyed sigh, “Oh it’s you. Great, just what I need three escapees. Can’t you tell I’m busy.”

“Well, sorry, I just want to ask a couple questions. You’re brainwashing people. Why?” the Doctor questions.

“I’m using this as a way to gather my own army, a giant group of people who will follow my bidding. Only listen to me. This way I will finally get what I deserve.” 

“And what would that be? Out of curiosity of course.”

“You know, curiosity killed the cat,” he turns back to his desk, “I’m done with you and your questions. Let’s get back to our second try of mind control, shall we?”

“One last question!” the Doctor interrupts, “The main trigger of your mind control is the sound right? So lets say someone had some sort of sonic device, well,” they pause, pulling out their sonic, “They could just do this right?” 

The sonic starts buzzing at the machine, causing sparks to fly. The lights start flickering, the man starts banging and yelling at the desk. The Doctor grabs your hand, “Run!”

You run as fast as you can, air filling your lungs as you finally get to the outside of the building, through the streets, then to the Tardis. 

“Well, so much for a relaxing day,” River laughs.

“No kidding.” You stand and catch your breath, leaning on the edge of the console. 

“Hey (y/n), what happened while we were out? Was everything okay? I still can’t really remember,” the Doctor asks.

“You guys got brainwashed, so I tried to get him to talk awhile, buy some time.” you answered. You don’t really know if you should tell the whole truth.

“That’s my (y/n), clever,” The Doctor smiles.

“But?” River asks. “There is a but here I’m assuming.”

You let out a long sigh, “Yeah.”

“What happened?” River asks again.

“He tried to get you guys to kill me. I think you almost did…” you mumble.

You gather your courage to look up to them. Their faces looked almost scared.

“It’s okay,” you try and reassure them, “I’m fine. No harm no foul. It’s okay, not a big deal.”

“No it’s not.” the Doctor says quietly, “We almost hurt you. Seriously hurt you. It is a big deal.”

“I’m so sorry (y/n).” River apologizes, “God, I am so sorry.”

The Doctor steps towards you. You flinch.

They stop in their tracks, sadness flooding their eyes. “I’m sorry (y/n).” 

The room is quiet. Despite River and the Doctor being only a couple feet away from you, they feel so distant. How can you reach them? 

“Hey, it’s-”

“We should probably all head in for the night. Get some rest.” the Doctor says, their voice monotone and flat. “It’s for the best.


	6. Weary (I’m Still Here, It’s Okay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof this one took a little while, i kinda neglected this story for a bit not gonna lie. but hey im here now. as always i barely proofread this soo yeah hope u enjoy

You wake up in your bed groaning. Your limbs are heavy and you are definitely still tired, but you’re awake and you know there’s no going back to sleep. You roll over, burying your face in your pillow, thinking about yesterday’s events.

_Come on (y/n), it’s fine. It was a tough day, but it’s fine. The Doctor freaked out a little, but it’s fine. They’re fine. In fact, they’re probably waiting for me._

You roll out of bed and put on a new pair of shorts and an old comfy tee shirt.

_Huh, is it a little warm in here?_

You shrug off the heat and walk out of your room to the console room. Surprisingly the room is empty. Usually the Doctor would be here, fixing something, or unintentionally breaking something while trying to fix it. Since the Doctor isn’t here tinkering, you decide to head to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat.

On your way to the kitchen, you spot River. “Hey River!” you call out.

Her head whips around, “Oh, uh (y/n)? Sorry, I have to go help the Doctor with something. Sorry.” She quickly walks away towards the Doctor’s room.

 _Oh_.

You ignore the distress settling in the pit of your stomach and make it to the kitchen to make some eggs. You grab a couple eggs and crack them into a bowl, whisking them together. You pour the eggs onto the hot pan, and shuffle them around with a spatula. Once the eggs are done to your satisfaction, you grab some plates and put the eggs on them.

_Maybe I’m just being paranoid, and there’s a reason River was acting so weird. Everything’s probably fine._

You make your way to the Doctor’s bedroom while trying to convince yourself that you’re not telling yourself lies because everything is fine. You find yourself at the worn wooden door belonging to the Doctor. You swallow, nervous. Your hands feel warm. You tell yourself it’s okay under your breath before knocking.

“Doctor? Uh it’s me, (y/n). I made you some breakfast if you’d like it.”

The Doctor doesn’t respond. You try and convince yourself that they might be asleep or something, but you can hear rustling behind the door.

“Doctor?” you call out again, “Will you please come out and talk to me?” Your questions are met with more silence from them.

“Look,” your voice breaks, “I’m leaving the plates here if you want some. I get the message loud and clear.”

You set the plates on the ground gently and let out a sob. Something behind the door creaks and you hear footsteps coming closer to the door. You breath in, looking back at the door in hope. But it remains closed. You exhale and walk away. Your pace picks up and you find yourself running to your room.

You slam the door behind you and crawl back into bed, not bothering to wipe the tears off your face. You try to bury yourself under your blankets to disappear, but your room is hot and muggy, so you throw the blankets onto the floor, huffing in anger. Tears blur your vision as you try and stare at the ceiling.

“Shit,” you curse under your breath.

“This is shit,” you say louder this time. “I shouldn’t have told them, if I didn’t tell them none of this bullshit would be happening.” you throw your arms in the air, “Or maybe the Doctor should just fucking talk to me. Maybe River shouldn’t run away from me. Nothing even happened to them. Nothing even happened! I’m fine.” You huff.

“I’m fine,” you say softer, wiping the tears off your face. Your face is hot and your hands are sweating and everything is uncomfortable. But you just lie in your bed doing nothing but letting your mind race while simultaneously thinking of nothing.

* * *

Suddenly you hear a knock on your door.

“(y/n)?” You recognize River’s voice.

“Shouldn’t you be busy avoiding me?” you snap.

She sighs, “(y/n) I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, I get it, you guys nearly killed me but I’m fine!,” you yell back, “I’m fine, and you guys need to stop tiptoeing around me like I’m going to break! You can’t just avoid me forever because you’re afraid!”

“You’re right.”

You stop.

“That’s what I’m sorry for,” River continues, “I shouldn’t have rushed away from you this morning. I’m sorry. Can I come in?”

“Is the Doctor with you?” you ask.

“No, I’m sorry. They won’t listen to me.”

“It’s okay. You tried.” you wipe the remaining tears off your face, “You can come in.”

River gently opens the door and sits with you on the side of your bed. “Will you please forgive me?” she asks softly, putting her hand on top of yours. You stare at her through red puffy eyes.

After awhile you say, “Yeah. You were scared. I get it,” you pause, “You came back though. That’s all that matters.”

River smiles and pulls you into a hug. You melt into her embrace, burying your face into her shoulder.

You pull back, “Sorry is it just me, or is it really hot in here?” You chuckle awkwardly.

“Darling,” River laughs. “Okay, seriously though, I did notice all of your blankets on the floor. Yeah, it is a bit stuffy. I wonder if something’s up with the Tardis?”

“We could go to the console room and see,” you suggest, “You do always like to brag that you know the Tardis better than the Doctor.”

River gets up from the bed, “Sounds like a plan! Though, I’m going to stop at my room to change into something a bit less warm.”

You follow River out of your room to hers and wait by her door. She comes out wearing a tee shirt and a pair of very short shorts.

“So, how do I look?” River asks jokingly. You stammer, “Uh, looking great!”

While walking with River to the console room you try your best not to be distracted by River’s long toned legs, though you are pretty sure River may have caught you staring at her at least once. You’re starting to think maybe River likes to see you flushed and bashful. Right now you plan to just blame it on the ever growing heat.

As you get closer to the console room you hear clanking noises along with the Doctor’s voice. “Looks like the Doctor had the same idea as us,” River remarks.

“Maybe I should go…?” you ask, “I mean, I don’t think she wants to see me right now, and I don’t know if I really want to deal with it all…” River looks back at you reassuringly, “It’s gonna be okay, don’t worry.” You nod and follow her into the console room where the Doctor is sitting near the console with several parts and tools surrounding her.

Instead of her whole ensemble, the Doctor is only wearing her trousers and navy shirt.

“Doctor?” River calls to get her attention. “Oh, River can you hand me that-” the Doctor looks up and stops talking as they lock eyes with you.

“Doctor?” you step forward.

They shakes their head, “Never mind, I have this all under control. It’s fine.” They go back to tinkering with the console. You and River just stand there in awkward silence. The Doctor looks back up and sighs in annoyance, “You can go, it’s fine.”

“No.” you say boldly.

The Doctor looks taken aback. “Fine. If you’re going to be here I guess you could help.” You sit down next to the Doctor with River. You occasionally hand them tools and watch them finnick with the machine. The Doctor is acting annoyed, but everything their eyes are in your direction, they are filled with sorrow. The heat seemed to be rising by the hour, making an already uncomfortable situation worse. The air is thick, both literally and figuratively.

You look over to River to find her pulling her tee shirt over her head to reveal a simple black bra. “Well that’s slightly better,” River comments. You find your eyes roaming over River’s body, going from her chest to her stomach, down to her legs. River often dresses in a revealing manner, but every time you see her, you still find yourself amazed at the look of her with exposed skin.

You take your eyes away from her and focus on the Doctor who is giving all of their attention to the machinery in front of them. “Are you getting anywhere Doctor?” you ask hesitantly.

“I know what’s going on, I just can’t quite get the Tardis to cooperate.” they sigh.

“So what is going on then?” River questions.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it under control.” the Doctor says right before the Tardis makes a groaning noise.

“Are you sure about that?” River asks, “The Tardis seems to disagree.”

“Yeah, well the Tardis and I are having a disagreement, she just won’t listen.”

“So the Tardis is just messing with us?” River laughs, “I wonder who managed to piss her off enough for her to go to this measure?”

“That would be yours truly,” The Doctor snaps, “If you’re just going to talk and not really help, why don’t you just go. I should be alone anyways.”

“Doctor?” you put your hand on their back, “Please talk to us.”

The Doctor jerks their body away from your hand, standing up and walking to the other side of the room. “You really want me to tell you? You really want to know what’s going on with the Tardis? What’s going on in my head? Are you sure?” the Doctor asks.

A shadow falls over their face, their eyebrows are furrowed together, and their hands are gripping the sides of their trousers.

“Doctor, talk to us,” you plead.

The Doctor lets out a sigh, “It’s all my fault.”

“Look, the Tardis is a little grouchy right now. But that happens, you know that. Don’t worry about it. You didn’t get mad at me when she kept hiding the kitchen for a week after I got crumbs stuck in the grates. It’s not a big deal,” you try to reassure her.

“It’s not that,” she mumbles.

“Then what is it, sweetie?” River asks, concern flooding her face.

“It’s everything. All of it. I hold the entire universe in my hands.”

“But you help the universe. You’ve saved it countless times. That counts for something.” You reason.

“Yes, but… I bring people like you in to touch the universe. A companion who I can show everything to, someone to help me feel more like a person…” the Doctor looks down at their hands, “but the universe burns once them once they get too close and I’ve seen it so many times. But I never stop. I always find somebody new to make me feel better even if it puts them in danger. I could make it stop. But I don’t.”

“We decide to come with you though,” you argue, “You don’t force us. In fact, you work so hard to keep everyone safe. Sometimes people get hurt. Sometimes they are people you love, but it doesn’t make it your fault.”

“I am gifted with unspeakable power, yet I can’t save the ones I love. I can’t save them from everything that could possibly happen while they are with me. I can’t save them from me. Everyone who’s ever traveled with me would be better off if they didn’t.”

“You have to realize how untrue that is. We get to see some of the most amazing things in the universe with you. I wouldn’t trade that for everything.”

“Not even your life?” the Doctor asks grimly.

You pause, trying to think. “No, I don’t think so.” you respond after some time.

“Maybe it shouldn’t be your choice then.” she replies, her eyes piercing through you coldly.

“Doctor!” you raise your voice, “That’s not fair and you know it!”

“You nearly died!” she shouts back, "How's that fair? You nearly died, I was so close to killing you with my own two hands! How could this not be more clear!”

You are taken aback. “Doctor,”

River starts, “Sweetie, that wasn’t you.”

“If (y/n) wasn’t with me, then none of this would’ve happened. They would be safe.”

“Doctor I’m fine, it’s okay,” you take their face in your hands. Their eyes are cold and clouded, a stark contrast from the Doctor’s optimistic persona. They look weary, like all of the adventures had finally caught up with them at this exact moment.

You break the stiff silence between you, “Doctor, what’s different this time?”

Tears start pooling in their eyes. “You nearly died.”

You move your thumbs to wipe the tears off her cheeks. “That’s happened before. And I’m still here.”

“I nearly killed you. I literally almost killed you.”

You look at them lovingly, “I’m still here, it’s okay.”

“I just don’t want to have to move on without you…” the Doctor mumbles, looking away from your gaze.

You smile, “It’s going to be a while until you can get rid of me.”

The Doctor responds with a small smile. Their arms have ended up wrapped around your waist loosely, their hands fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. While now they seem more nervous if anything, they also seem far more present than before.

“Hey look at me,” you nudge their face with your hand, reconnecting your eye contact, “Things happen. Bad things happen all the time. But I promise you I’ll be here as long as I can. I’ll promise you I won’t regret being with you. That’s all we can do, right?”

“Yeah,” she responds softly.

After a while, you slowly break away from their embrace.

“Huh, it feels like the Tardis cooled down,” you remark.

“The Tardis was trying to get you to talk to us, right?” River asks.

“Yeah,” the Doctor responds, “Don’t be mad at her, the old girl was just trying to look after me.” The Doctor looks down at the console in appreciation.

“I’m just happy things are alright,” you reply with a yawn.

“Looks like all that heat made you sleepy,” River smiles, “Come on, let’s all rest up for a bit.”

“I’m going to stay to work on the Tardis, but you too should get some rest,” the Doctor goes to sit back down next to the console.

“You sure?” she asks. “Yeah. I should patch her back up after what I did during our disagreement. I’m okay, I promise.”

“Okay,” you say, “If you need anything I’ll be in my room sleeping.”

* * *

You find your room, and put your blankets back on your bed from the floor. You plop onto your bed and close your eyes, letting yourself drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey just uhhh a heads up, i almost scrapped my planned ending for this and wrote and incredibly angsty ending. i didn't but if you'd want to see that uhh let me know. also just so u know half of the next's chapter's title is (dead asleep) so uhh have fun knowing that something is gonna happen...
> 
> I only seem to be able to write angst so that's what you get


	7. Dead Asleep (Until Death Do We Part)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Thanks for the lovely comments, I'd respond to them, but it kinda makes me rlly nervous for some reason, but i do see them and appreciate them! Also I kinda lied last chapter, I ended up splitting what I had into two chapters and rewriting it so it'd make more sense. So whoops. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Edit (8/9/20): Hello! I made a big oopsie! I should not have splitted this chapter, so i'm putting them back together. I think it's better this way. anyways my bad. Thanks for ur comments they usually make my day :) I hope yall enjoy! The original name for the chapter was daydream btw.

_You wake up to sunbeams shining through your window, hitting your eyes. You groan, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes before getting up. You notice you are alone. As you make your bed for the morning, you feel a dull pain in your back. Damn your stiff mattress._

You wake up to a soft light in your room. Since time doesn’t seem to apply to the Tardis, she at least was kind enough to try and enforce some sort of day night cycle. Every “morning” the Tardis would shine a soft light in your room to try and wake you up nicely. It was either you get up then, or the Doctor comes barging in at some point yelling about adventure.

You rub your eyes and roll out of bed to find out what the Doctor was up to. You swear the Doctor hardly sleeps. She seems to always be up tinkering at odd hours, swearing that “Time lords are a superior species that don't need as much sleep as humans. There’s too much to do, can’t waste any time!” Even with a time machine the Doctor never seemed to rest.

_You finish making your bed, and then head to the kitchen for some breakfast. As you walk into the room, you see River and Joan chatting at the dining room table._

_“I was wondering where you two went,” you comment, “I mean usually at least River is there when I wake up.”_

_“Oh yeah, sorry ‘bout that sweetheart, we just wanted to surprise you with some breakfast!” Joan replies with a wide smile. Sure enough, she hands you a plate of pancakes stacked on top of each other. You smile and sit down._

_“Aww, thanks. This is so sweet.”_

_“Anything for you darling,” River walks around the table, setting down a cup of tea for you, and then kissing you sweetly on the cheek._

_You take no time digging in, “Wow these are actually pretty good!” you exclaim._

_“Yeah well it took about three tries, and the second time Joan nearly set everything on fire,” River remarked._

_“Hey! It’s not my fault I was just trying to improve the stovetop a little bit!”_

_You laugh, “Joan, honey, I love you, but maybe stop tinkering with the kitchenware? We can’t burn the house down now, can we?”_

_Joan sticks her tongue out in defiance, “Okay, gang up on me all you want, but don’t come crying to me when the toaster doesn’t have a popcorn mode.”_

_“Okay then sweetie,” River smiles. God, you could never forget how amazing it is to see River smile. So full of life, so beautiful. You could never forget how incredible Joan’s laugh sounds, like music to your ears. As you look across the table at the two of them, you feel truly at peace._

You start walking down the hallways and see light from the kitchen. As you get closer you hear the Doctor and River chatting.

“Hey, what are you guys doing in the kitchen? You guys never cook.” you start to notice a faint burning smell. “In fact, I’m pretty sure the Tardis is strongly against the Doctor trying to cook after last time.” 

“Oh (y/n)!” the Doctor exclaims.

“Morning darling,” River says, guiding you to the table, “We thought we could try making breakfast, since you always cook.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to.” you reply, “What did you make?”

“Well, we may have made some very burnt pancakes…” the Doctor says sheepishly.

You chuckle, “So that’s why there’s a burning smell.”

“After putting out the small fire, we went and made some eggs.” River smiles, “They actually turned out pretty good, here have some!” River hands you a plate of eggs and toast. 

You take a bite of the eggs, “Huh, these are pretty good!”

“See River! I can cook!” the Doctor smirks.

“I’m pretty sure it was a group effort sweetie, but I’ll let you take points just this once.”

“Yeah, while you both did good the second time, maybe have me supervise next time?” you suggest, “The Tardis gets cranky when you accidentally start fires and I don’t want to deal with it,” you joke.

“We could actually make the pancakes next time then,” River comments, “Even some of the banana ones you like so much Doctor.”

“Oooh, those sound good!” the Doctor replies.

You look at them smiling, planning on what to cook for breakfast like normal people. It’s mundane, and small, but something about the domestic comfort brings a warmth to your chest. Yes, you love the grand adventures, but something about just living with River and the Doctor brought a different joy. The way they laugh and smile with you about breakfast, the way they cuddle with you on the couch while you watch a movie. They’re relaxed, and so beautiful.

_As you chew on your pancakes, Joan starts talking about one of her new inventions, rambling on about different specs and motor sizes, as well as plant based fuels. You understand very little of what she’s saying, but she looks adorable talking about her new ideas, so you try and listen the best you can._

_“Oh, that reminds me sweetie!,” River interjects, “Didn’t you mention trying to head out to that one field to look for plants for your fuel last week?”_

_“Oh yeah! I’ve been meaning to go out there!” Joan responds._

_“How about we go out today? The weather looks like it’s going to be pretty good,” River suggests._

_“Oh that’s a great idea!”_

_“Yeah, we could go out later this afternoon,” you agree, “River and I can come and make sure you don’t blow anything up.”_

_“Oh ha ha,” Joan responds, “Like you could stop me,”_

_“She has a point River, it’s like her gift.” River remarks._

_“Oi! I can make things work when I want!”_

_“Yes we know sweetie,” River says, “You are brilliant. Even if things break too often for my liking.”_

_“Well this is touching, but I’m going to take a shower before we go out.” you call out from the hallway, “Either of you joining?”_

“Didn’t you say something about taking us to the fields of Aflouisia?” River asks the Doctor. She turns to you, “You would love them, I saw them once after a small heist I pulled off, we needed a place to hide. The fields are full of flowers, and there is this lovely village nearby too.”

“Sounds really nice. Maybe we could go there for a bit today?”

“That sounds like a good plan!” the Doctor agrees, “Well, what are we waiting around for, everyone’s done eating, let’s go!” The Doctor starts dashing towards the control panel like a puppy ready to go on a walk. 

You chuckle, “Come on River, let’s catch up.”

* * *

_After an amazing hot shower with your incredible significant others, you got ready to go out into the fields. You’ve been over there once before, it really is beautiful. You sit on the couch waiting for River and Joan. Eventually they come out._

_“Wow…” you say reflexively, “You two look great.” You look down at your worn jeans, plain tee shirt, and soft cardigan. “Should I change?”_

_River smiles, “No darling, you look perfect.”_

_River is wearing a gorgeous red knee length skirt, a soft gray shirt, and a leather jacket on top. More surprisingly, Joan came out wearing a dainty yellow and blue sundress. You recognize the dress as the one they ecstatically picked out after realizing it had pockets sewn into the skirt. She still had her boots on, but somehow that is just her. They both look so beautiful._

_“Well, if we’re all ready… let’s go!” Joan announces, opening the front door._

_“Wait aren’t you going to wear your coat?” you ask suddenly._

_“What coat?” Joan replies._

_“You know, the grey one. The one with the hood. You wear it everywhere?” You try and elaborate._

_“I don’t have a coat like that,” Joan answers with a frown, “I don’t think so anyways.”_

_You brush it off, “Huh, never mind, I must just be confused._

You make your way to the console, stopping at the entrance to find the Doctor just standing there.

“What took you guys so long?” she smirked.

River just shakes her head in amusement, “You’re just lucky we love you, you know that?”

You see the Doctor’s eyes go soft for just a moment, “Yeah,” she says quietly, “Really am.”

River walks to the side of the console opposite to the Doctor, “Well, ready to go then?”

The Doctor grins, “I was born ready, just try your best to keep up sweetie.”

With that, they start running around, pushing buttons, pulling switches, checking dials. A part of you isn’t really sure if most of it was just for show so the Doctor got to run around. You did notice River occasionally undoing whatever the Doctor did, causing you to stifle a laugh.

Eventually you hear the Tardis’ familiar wheeze as you land. 

* * *

_You’re at the field. You rub your eyes. For some reason you can’t remember walking here._

_River looks over at you, “You okay darling?”_

_“Oh yeah,” you respond quickly, “All good.”_

_“Okay, just wanted to check.”_

_“Hey, wasn't there a little village near here?” you inquire._

_“Nope! The spot has been pretty secluded for several years.” the Doctor replies._

_“So Doc, where are the plants we’re looking for?” you ask to change the topic._

_“Over there,” they point to a close hill, “Also Doc?”_

_“Oh, uh I don’t know, just kinda came out,” you say._

_River pitches in, “You know Joan’s less likely to be a doctor, they’d definitely be a mad scientist.”_

_You laugh, “Now that's an image.”_

_You follow River and the Doctor up the hill, ignoring the faint pain in your chest. As you get near the top, Joan starts running the final stretch, giddy like a little kid. You and River caught up with her and took in the view. On the hill you could see fields stretching into the horizon, flowers sprinkled throughout, beautiful spots of bright color. You are so mesmerized by the sight you don’t notice River and Joan shifting behind you._

Well, are you guys ready?” the Doctor asks, excitedly bouncing near the door. The excitement that comes at the beginning of each adventure comes back. It’s the feeling you get every time you are about to exit through the Tardis’ doors into something new.

“Hell yeah!” you grin, “Come on let’s go.”

The Doctor grabs your hand and leads you out the door. 

“So where are we headed?” you ask.

“It should be just up that hill, right sweetie?” River replies.

“Yup!” the Doctor agrees.

The three of you start walking towards the giant hill. The Doctor doesn’t let go of your hand, and River takes your other one, positioning you in the middle of them. You feel a slight blush appear on your cheeks. You just try to take in the feeling of their hands in yours.

You reach the top of the hill and stop to take in the view. From the higher vantage point, you have a much better view of the fields. Beautiful green grass stretches to the horizon where it meets a beautiful clear blue sky. The fields are speckles with several types of flowers, filling them with pops of color. Nearby you can see a quaint village full of small houses and buildings.

_You turn around to find them both on one knee, holding a tiny box with one of each of their hands. Your breath hitches inward as your brain realizes what this navy box means._

_“Are you-?” you try and ask._

you can see a quaint village full of small houses and buildings.

“We should probably head to the village and get some water,” River says.

“Oh, that’s smart.”

The three of you head into the small village. As you approach the first couple houses you notice the odd silence throughout the village.

“I don’t remember this village being this quiet,” River remarks.

“No, you’re right,” the Doctor has a concerned look on their face, “It should be full of people. Especially at this time of day.”

_“Yes.” they say. Their eyes are shining in the sunlight, both smiling up at you. River carefully opens up the lid, showing a shining gold ring nestled inside._

_Joan opens their mouth, “Will you-”_

_“Yes.” you respond instantly, “Yes.”_

_“Marry us?” River finishes._

You keep moving towards the heart of the town cautiously. Shards of glass from broken windows are on the pavement. Some doors are swung open, some are completely missing. As you get closer, you swear you can hear something. It sounds like marching. A faint thud thud thud thud. 

_Your eyes fill with tears. “Yes, of course, yes.”_

“Hey, I think I can hear somethi-” you turn a corner to find a giant metal man at the end of the road. It’s entirely silver, with a metal bar stretching over its head and two holes in the headpiece that look like empty eyes. You could see detailing in the plates, it looks like tech far from your present.

“Doctor what is that?” you ask quietly.

“Cyberman.” you can hear the tension in your voice.

The cyberman seems to hear them, it turns it’s head, seemingly looking through you with it’s dead eyes.

_They stand up, Joan surging forward to give you a hug. River comes up and slips the ring on your finger._

“You will be upgraded.” 

_“I love yo-”_

It’s voice is tinny and distorted, flat and devoid of emotion. It slowly starts raising its arm. Before anyone could call out or pull you out of the way you hear a loud bang. You hear a blood curdling scream as you fall to the ground, realizing it was your voice that echoed through the air in pain. You try and lift your head, but only manage to keep it up for a couple seconds. But that was long enough for you to see the blood flooding from your chest. 

_You cry out, a sharp pain runs through your chest. You feel Joan and River holding onto you as you fall to your knees. You can hear their voices as your vision turns black, you can hear them panicking as they hold your immobile body. Before everything turns to a void, one final phrase finds its way into your mind: Until death do we part._

* * *

The Doctor quickly drops to their knees, cradling your head on their legs and brushing the hair off your forehead. 

“River.” the Doctor says flatly.

River lets out a small breath, “Okay.” Out of the corner of your eye you see River pull out a gun from her boot. A couple seconds later you hear another loud bang, along with the clang of several pounds of metal on the ground afterwards.

“Ri-River” you call out. You stretch out your arm to see your fingers coated in dark red blood. Your vision is starting to become fuzzy around the edges, but you can still see the Doctor and River at your side.

“I’m here,” she quickly reassures you. You can hear her sniffling.

“D-D-Doctor?” More of your vision is going, you start to panic a little. 

“I’m here (y/n), I’m here. It’s okay.” they respond, continuing to pull their fingers through your hair. River has taken hold of your hand, holding it close to her chest.

“I- I-” You try and get the phrase out but falter. You focus on their touch as the last of your vision goes dark, and everything turns void.

The Doctor holds your limp body against them for a moment before gently placing you back onto the ground.

“You said everything was going to be okay?” River asks quietly, not in an accusatory way, more of a last hope.

“The first rule, the Doctor lies,” the Doctor responds, unable to look up at River. Their eyes start brimming with tears, “I didn’t want them to be afraid of going into the dark.” The tears start sliding down onto the chin, dripping onto the pavement beside you.

“That’s honorable,” River says, “So this is it? There’s nothing we can do?” 

“No.” the Doctor’s voice is airy, “It’s over.”

River tries to wipe the tears off her face, but it’s no use, they keep coming. 

“We…” River starts, “We never even told them. We never got to tell them.”

A small sob escapes the Doctor’s mouth, “I love you, (y/n). I loved you.” 

River takes a deep breath, “I loved you, (y/n).”

The Doctor has stopped hiding their pain, tears are clearly dripping off the Doctor’s face as their body convulses.

“I am a time lord. I am over a billion years old. I have the ability to bend space and time to my will. But I can’t even save one human. I can’t do fucking anything.” the Doctor breathes through their teeth, “I would do anything.” 

River tries to move her name to comfort the Doctor, but it catches on a shard of glass.

“Shit,” River hisses. A red line starts forming on the back of her hand. Though instead of bleeding further, the cut starts shining a golden light, a light that is slowly being pulled towards your bloody chest.

River’s eyes go wide. The light fades as the wound on River’s hand closes and disappears altogether. Quickly, before the Doctor could react, River carefully grabbed the shard of glass and dragged it up her arm, watching as a thick line began showing up her arm.

“River, what the hell?” the Doctor shouts.

“Look!,” River says. The wound glows golden once again, the energy pulling itself towards you.

“Oh,” the Doctor says, before grabbing the shard of glass for themselves. They pull up their sleeve and flinch as the shard of glass finds its way buried in their skin. The Doctor’s arm starts letting out energy. They watch as the golden energy flows into you.

“Please let this work,” River murmurs. 

You wake up, your vision filled with gold. Your body is sore, every part of it hurts and aches. The gold filters out of your vision and you see the Doctor and River looking over you.

“Doctor? River?” you croak out.

Their eyes are wide and filled with shock and tears. They’re quiet in disbelief.

“(y/n)?” the Doctor asks tentatively.

“Yeah?” you grunt.

“You’re okay?” River says, her voice sounding almost like a gasp.

“Uh huh,” you try and sit yourself up, but fall back, “Oww.”

“You’re okay.” the Doctor repeats in a quiet whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a rlly hard chapter to write, so i hope it was readable and made sense lol.


	8. Awake and Drained (you… love me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just a reminder I edited the last chapter, so please reread that so this makes sense! I rlly appreciate y'all, and I hope y'all enjoy!

You groan as River and the Doctor helped you up from the ground. 

River grabs your arm keeping you steady, "I don't think you should walk,"

"You're right," the Doctor nods, "But the Tardis is a while away, I don't think it's a great idea to stay here for too long."

"Here help them stay steady," River instructs. The Doctor moves to help. 

"I'm going to pick you up as gently as possible, okay?" River's arms move under your legs and back as the Doctor carefully transfers you to her arms. You immediately bury your face into her neck.

"Well, we ought to get going. Are you comfortable enough (y/n)?" River asks.

"Yeah," you respond sleepily.

River and the Doctor start walking, the motions added with the stress of a near death experience lulled you to sleep.

* * *

You finally arrive in the Tardis, the Tardis greets you with a worried hum. They walk to your room and gently set you down on your bed.

"You should probably get yourself cleaned up before you rest. You'll feel much better." the Doctor says.

You look down at yourself. Throughout the entire experience, you didn't notice how rough you looked. A giant hole was ripped through your shirt, and your chest covered in bruises and blood. Your fingertips are covered in blood, dirt caked underneath your fingernails from grasping at the ground.

"Okay," you respond, "I think I can walk to the bathroom with a little help."

The Doctor and River nod, offering their arms for you to lean on. You grab a clean t-shirt and some comfortable pants before heading to the bathroom.

You arrive at the bathroom and detach yourself from their arms to lean onto the doorway.

"Are you going to be alright?" the Doctor asks. You can still see the worry etched into their faces. As much as you hate to admit it and worry them more, you still feel extremely sore.

"I- I..." you try and stutter out the words.

"Do you need help?" River asks gently.

You nod, unable to speak.

"Well, how about you get changed first, okay?"

"Okay."

You shut the door and place your neatly folded clothes on the counter. You grimace as you pull your ruined shirt over your head. You throw it on the floor then slip off your socks, then your pants, leaving on your underwear. 

You go towards the door. "You can come in" you call softly.

You back up from the door as they walk in.

As they look at you, you reflexively wrap your arms around yourself. The room was quiet and solemn. Right now you feel beaten down yes, but if anything extremely vulnerable. 

The Doctor moves to start letting the water run, while River moves so you can lean onto her.

The Doctor and River guide you to the bathtub, helping you over the edge to sit down. You let out a hiss as the warm water hits your raw skin. They sit at the edge of the tub, carefully watching over you. You can see they’re both hesitating. Like they’re afraid if they touch you you’ll break.

River finally speaks, “We should probably wash everything out of your hair first.”

She cups her hands under the water, “Close your eyes,” she says softly.

She pours the water in your hair, careful to try not to get water in your face. You can hear the Doctor shuffling to find shampoo, conditioner, and soap.

After a while, River tells you, “I’m going to put some shampoo in your hair now. Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Her words are gentle but firm.

You feel River’s hands in your hair as she massages the product into your hair as gently as possible. You lean into the touch.

“Is it okay?” she asks, checking up on you.

“Uh huh,” you respond.

River gets done, and then moves back to pouring water in your hair to rinse it out. The warm water is doing wonders on your aching muscles. 

“You can open your eyes now,” River says.

“Let’s wash up the rest of you now, huh?” the Doctor says gently. 

They get some soap and both start helping. The Doctor’s hands end up on your chest, causing you to wince. She lightens her touch, just barely skating down your chest past your scars. This would be some sort of nightmare a year ago, but now with the Doctor and River, you feel safe under their careful touch.

The warm water and being cared for after such a day made you tired. You didn’t realize how tired until you yawned trying not to fall asleep in the tub.

“(y/n)?” 

You open your eyes back up, “Uh huh?”

“Let’s get you out of the tub and into bed okay?” 

They help you stand up and get over the edge of the tub onto a fluffy bath rug. River grabs a towel and helps you dry off. Even after the bath your limbs are still sore and tired. Moving is taking more energy than you have right now.

“Are you good to get dressed or do you want some help?” River asks gently.

You want to say you can do it, but as soon as you try and raise your arms to be level with your chest, you drop them, hissing in pain.

“I could use a little help,” you admit sheepishly.

The Doctor helps you step into your pants, letting you lean on them for balance. River helps pull your shirt over your head. Once you have all your clothes on, River brushes your hair out of your face.

“Let’s get you to bed now, huh?” River and the Doctor hold out their arms.

As they guide you through the Tardis halls, you try to focus on the ship’s low humming to keep your brain distracted from the pain. You always did find the Tardis’ humming soothing.

You eventually arrive at the bedrooms, the doors right next to each other. 

“Hey uh…” you pause, embarrassed, “Would it be okay if… could I maybe stay in your room tonight?” you ask. “I just- I just don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

River and the Doctor let out a sigh, almost like a sigh of relief.

“Of course (y/n).” the Doctor answers quietly.

River speaks up, “To be honest, I don’t think either of us are ready to let you out of our sight. We almost lost you.” 

You squeeze River’s hand, “I’m here. I’m okay.” 

They both smile back at you, a quiet and reserved smile. 

The Doctor opens the door, they lead you to the giant bed in the center of the room. 

River helps you descend to the middle of the bed.

“I think we could all use a rest. Even you sweetie.” she utters.

“Yeah,” the Doctor quietly agrees.

The three of you settle into the bed with you in the middle.

You think back to the events of today. Specifically something that has been poking at you from the back of your mind. You take a deep breath.

“What did you guys mean when you said you love me? When I was dying I mean?” you ask, emboldened by the darkness of the room.

“It means we love you dear,” River replies as if it was a simple answer, something that does not even need a second thought.

“But like…?” 

The Doctor finally speaks up, “It means River and I have both developed… feelings for you. We love you as a friend and companion yes, but also as something… more.” The Doctor’s voice lilts off, unsure and nervous.

“You… love me?” you repeated into the air, “Huh.”

You take a moment, staring at the stars on the ceiling, trying to find words to say other than just repeating what has been coming out of the other’s mouths.

You settle on saying, “I love you too.”

It’s not how you imagined at all. In a dark room, lying in their bed. Your voice wasn’t shaking, and it wasn’t some declaration. It just was. You suppose that’s alright though.

“I think we have some stuff to talk about, but we should probably wait till the morning. You need rest.” River states.

“Okay.” you respond.

You let yourself snuggle closer into both of them as you let yourself drift to sleep, the thought of love soothing your mind.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also yeah, u probably didn't notice but the lines surrounding the reader's chest is me subtly deciding the reader is trans lol. i'm trans and i want some nice top surgery so u can ignore that if it doesn't apply but if ur trans masc or nonbinary i see u n i love u.


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